Tuesday, June 7, 2011

I thought I was through...

The transition continues apace.  Now that we're set on a place to live, the moving arrangements are in place.  The house looks suitably trashed for a place being packed up and vacated.  Some items have made their way to charities (not as many as planned--thanks, Salvation Army), others await disposal, others await packing.
And yet my academic career isn't quite over.  A lecture recital and defense yesterday, a dissertation defense Thursday morning, and a master's oral exam in a couple of weeks, all when I'm technically off the payroll.  What can I say, I'm a pushover.
The mental transition, when I step outside of myself and observe it, is fascinating.  I've dropped the AMS-L email list, for example.  Now this is hardly shocking, as I'm no longer a member of the American Musicological Society and am not actively participating in the discipline of musicology.  But watching an episode of career suicide and some rather petty carping trickling into my email inbox provided the trigger, not a conscious thought of departing the discipline.  More personal relationships--friends, colleagues, students--have been awful to see come to this parting, but other trappings of the discipline have been shuffled off with nary a sweat.
Meanwhile, it's harder to say how the transition to the new life is going.  This is, I think, because I don't entirely know what that life is.  For all the talk of "calling" and ministry preparation and all those things, in many ways I really don't know what to expect, an uncertainty that surpasses any transition I've yet experienced.
Oddly enough, I've been mostly o.k. with this.  Partly because of the more practical uncertainties--such as the long process of trying to find a place to live that would allow three pets--I've not been possessed of much time to be tripped up in the more metaphysical uncertainties.
So, somewhere down the road, I'm due to be blasted in the face with a truckload of "what am I doing!?" and "how am I ever going to get through this?"  Thoughts I haven't had time to be overwhelmed by for the last couple of weeks will come flooding back in.  The press of getting into Greek and finding some sort of remunerative employment and figuring out the commute may leaven the whelming flood of wondering, but it's coming, I just know it.
For now, though, back to trying to pack up some albums and trying to wade through this four-hundred-page dissertation...

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